I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My dick has a subreddit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
