when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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