you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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