You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
