Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
