I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
