i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
