I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
