After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
