Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
