The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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