I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
