If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
