dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
