You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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