i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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