He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
