i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
