I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
