you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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