Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
COCAINE IS GR8
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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