I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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