I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
