No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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