i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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