we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
