I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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