I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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