is your mom at the bar?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
