2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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