Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
