Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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