I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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