I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
