i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm at about main and main street
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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