I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
