I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
