best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
