God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
