the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
