I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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