it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
