So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
