you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
