Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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