tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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