All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
