I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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