Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
