i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize