God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
