and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
