i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
