we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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