You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Girls should come with a carfax report
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
