I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
