good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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