I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
