Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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