I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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