Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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