Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
