holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
