I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
