Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
