oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im holly from the hills drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
