your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize