I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my liver is dry heaving
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
