so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
