I puked a lego.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
