Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!

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(917): View more from New York City

He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Cockoligist

(587): View more from Alberta

Yes, one may refer to me as that.

(587): View more from Alberta

I should make business cards.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...

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