at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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