I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
