Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
