fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
