im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
