guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
