he puts the penis in happiness.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
