Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize