i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
