a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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