Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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