party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
