Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
