His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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