So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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