I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
