I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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