well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have post one night stand depression
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