So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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