Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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