Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
