Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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