I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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