if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
