just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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